So it’s that time of the year again. A new year has passed and it’s time to look back. 27 was a special year for me I think. I would have never guessed it was going to be last year. I didn’t even publish my 26 - Year in Review but I think I’ll put them both up today. I had started writing that one a full week before I turned 27 but for some reason I didn’t put it up. So let’s get to the shits with the biggest decision I made as a 27 year old: moving out of my parents place.

I wasn’t sure I was making that move by the time it was my birthday but it was certainly a lingering idea. As a new 27 year old I began to think about my life and the kind of life I wanted to keep living. I felt that for the first time in my life I could have a hand in affecting that. The reality is that I could’ve probably thought this much earlier but for some reason I didn’t. I think its because things were good at home. When things are fine, living with your parents is a no brainer. Fuck what people think. But it wasn’t fine. Leading up to my 27th birthday, I was continuing to deal with my parents declining health. I was becoming more involved. The opposite of what I wanted. It was taking up a lot of my time. I felt it bringing me down. Then an event catalysed my decision.

One night, I hear yelling. I don’t know what time it is. I check, it’s around 2am. I go to the room where the yelling is coming from and it’s my dad. I ask “what’s wrong?”. He says “nothing”. At this point I know he’s bullshitting but I don’t have time to get into a whole argument so I give an ultimatum. “You either stop yelling like that or I’m going to call an ambulance”. In retrospect, was that the right reaction to have? I still don’t know, to be honest. I know that I had to get up early to go to work. Oh and by the way, this was not the first night this had happened. There was a build up to me reacting that way. I had just ignored it by sleeping with headphones. There’s only so much I could contain though. His response? It was something to the effect of “Oh I see that you’re trying to get rid of me [by calling the ambulance]… I want you to remember that I pay rent here too, and if you don’t like my yelling then you can move.” Then he proceeded to do the normal parent shaming tactic “I didn’t expect this from you”. I didn’t respond.

What it did was speed up I thought that I already had : I have to get out of here. I began to think about how I wanted to continue living my life and if that included being subjugated by my parents. Was I really going to leave the people that raised me into the person I am? I thought about this a lot. The only home I knew was the home with my parents in it. Was I prepared for this?

It didn’t matter. I didn’t care. Staying there wasn’t going to make things better. Looking back at it now, leaving was my way of de-escalating. My birthday was on the 13th and by the end of the month I had a place lined up and I was ready to move in on 1st of February. Things just kind of worked out and that was only the beginning. I think 27 is one of the best years of my life. Maybe there’s some recency bias but few things feel as good a taking life into your own hands.

Less than a month later I now lived in a completely different place. My place. Woah! It took some time for me to get used to hearing that. It still sounds a little weird to me. I’ve never had a window in my room. I have a window now! Is this what adulthood is? I started to think about what having my own place meant. Oh shit! I can have people over now! I can actually do whatever I want. I am freeeeeee! After I got settled, my first idea was to bring my podcast back from the dead. I did! And in the biggest way possible. At a certain point, I got into a groove and I felt unstoppable. I became the content king I knew I could be. Everything was just working. I had guests over and had amazing conversations with everyone that came over. Honestly, that was a major highlight of my year. I love having conversations but they just don’t come out in social settings, because I’m never at social events. This podcast allowed me to do that in the comfort of my home. It even introduced me to new people that I probably never would’ve met otherwise. It was amazing. The first 8 months of this move were nothing short of spectacular. There’s literally nothing to complain about. It was almost too good…

Then near the end of September I find out that my roommate is planning on moving out. I received a call from my mom that my dad is in the hospital. Here it was. It had to come. I know. The L’s are coming. It was right on time. Last year it came around this time as well. I had to find a new roommate and nurse my dad’s health. I put the former on the back burner and focused on the latter. Perspective helped me stay calm but it was not easy. It helped me not complain even though it was tempting. I just had 8 of the best months of my life. Good and bad moments come in passing. This too shall pass, I thought. Dealing with my dad in the following months (up until the new year) was not easy. I was not free of responsibility. I was not free of pain. I was not free. Why did I move? Was I running from a problem? Why am I still dealing with this? I began to question everything. Daily calls from my mom sapped me of my upbeat energy. Every morning started with a bad thought. It felt like a downward spiral. There’s no way I could come on social media and act like things were great. For as fake as social media is, I could not contribute to it. I laid low. I’m still low.

Things are still not great but they are getting better. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with my dad but I trust myself to make the right decision. By the end of this month, I’ll have a new roommate. A new chapter will be started. I am better today than I was last year at this same time. That’s all I can ask for. I don’t know what 28 will bring, but I do know one thing. I. Will. Not. Lose!